A New View

Well I made it back from Navajo Nation where I spent the past four days. I must say it's nice to be back in town. It was a long week and I felt like I was in another country. My cell phone barely worked, my internet was slow, and my TV channels were limited. But with the limited availability of technology came some good.

Most of you probably know that I have another blog that I started that chronicles the life lessons I have learned as a result of my running endevours. Normally when thinking of ideas for that blog, I think of my running and apply aspects of that to life. This week the opposite happened for me. I was thinking about life and applied it to my running. I guess the net effect is the same, I was able to better understand a life lesson by using practical examples.

As many of you know, I have been going through a difficult time in my life, or should I say another difficult time. Normally I would tend to be very vague and not get too far into what I am going through but seeing as that has always been part of my problem, I am going to go ahead and tell it like it is. A few weeks ago I moved out of the house and am currently living with my parents. Of course the first thing people want to know is who is to blame. The answer really is no one. We just felt it would be best if we each took a little space and worked on ourselves so that we could then work on our relationship. There is no ill will, there is no fighting, there is just a need for space.

I think my biggest problem is that I have always been "emotionally immature". I have always pretended like everything is cool and pushed my true feelings deep inside and bottled them up. The problem is that in doing that I have caused myself a lot of pain and unhappiness which in turn has hurt those around me. So I have decided it is time to uncork the bottle and let it all out. That is part of why I am writing this, I don't pretend that hundreds of people read my blog and I really don't write because I want to touch others. I write because it is the best way for me to get it all out. So this blog may become a lot more serious than it always has been, I am going to say what I have to say. In doing so, maybe it will touch someone else who feels like I do, maybe it won't. All I know is that I feel like I have a story to tell and I am going to tell it.

Back to my life lesson, I was pondering on how life always seemed to suck for me and how I always seem to be going through a difficult time. I have grown frustrated with life in general and wished life would just get easy. Then I applied my running.

When I first started to run, I could barely jog for three minutes before I had to walk. It was painful and difficult but I kept going, I kept training. There were a lot of times when I thought about giving up. I would say it was too hard and that I shouldn't do this...I couldn't do this. I had no plans of running any races, I just wanted to run.

Now months later, I have run a half-marathon when before I couldn't run for three minutes, I now consider three miles to be my "easy" run. I have gotten to this point in running because I pushed through the pain, I kept going and never gave up.

That's when it really hit me. Life is the same way. I have gotten to where I am because I have pushed through the pain and never gave up. I could easily just give up on life right now but I don't...I can't. All of this stuff that I have gone through and that I am going through is simply like a training run. It is making me stronger. I don't know where I am going but I know where I have been. I know that I am becoming a better person because I have struggled and pushed through it. Maybe this doesn't make sense to anyone but when I realized all this I gave thanks to God for the life I have been given. It was probably the first time that I could look at all the past and have gratitude for it. In the past I have always questioned God for "giving" me the life that I had, problems and all. Now I thank God for what He has given me because I have learned so much and continue to learn from it all.

I believe that there is a purpose behind everything that has happened to me. I had a nice talk with God yesterday and asked for His help. I asked Him to tell me what my purpose is or what I should be doing. I know there is more to life than just being a CPA, as awesome as that is. I get a daily quote from RunnersWorld.com to help my motivation and this morning as I checked my Email I recieved my quote. This mornings quote was deep and was timely considering my conversation with God.

"Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be." -George Sheehan

I have never really thought before that I was meant to be anything special or important. That is where my thought process is going to change. I am going to find out what person I was meant to be and I am going to become that person. I know I have the determination, the will and the courage to do it.

Maybe that is the direction this blog is going to take. Perhaps the posts to follow will chronicle my journey to that discovery and achievement. I know that it will happen because for the first time in my life I believe it can...I really believe. I also know that my past will help me, not hinder me, from becoming this person.

It was a good week for me, it's been a good life. I look forward to whatever comes next, because I know it will be great, it will be a success.