Well, my last post was about finding happiness, today's post is about feeling pain.
Don't worry, I am not talking emotional pain, this time I am talking physical pain.
As part of my marathon training program, I have been increasing my weekly miles. So long to short runs of 3 miles. Much to my joy, I have also been able to increase my pace times. In fact, I recalculated some of my routes because I couldn't believe that I was running them at that pace. However, after last weeks long run, I noticed a dull pain in my right foot. I didn't think much of it at the time.
To be quite honest, my feet have all sorts of issues since I have increased my milage. I won't get into details, lets just say they looked like they have been used. So this dull pain seemed to effect me in the mornings when getting out of bed and then it wasn't too bad. I moved my runs to the evenings to better fit my schedule. When I did my run on Tuesday, I noticed the pain as I started but it seemed to go away until I was done with my run. Then it hurt. The same thing happened on Wednesday run and then Friday. Between those three runs I did 18 miles and my times were great. Then today I had a "fallback" week were my long run was only to be 9 miles before I increase to 14 next weekend.
As I started out this morning the pain was still in my foot and still dull. That is until I made a sharp right turn at about 6.5 miles in. The dull pain turned to a sharp pain, a very sharp pain. I figured I was still 2.5 miles from home so I tried to run through it but I couldn't. I hobbled a short way until I found a bench. I rested for a few minutes then tried to run again. The pain was too much. After a long walk back home, I took of my shoe to determine that my foot was now showing signs of swelling.
Those of you who know me, know that my primary care doctor goes by the name of Dr. Web MD. Yes I prefer to get medical advice online instead of making that co-pay. However, Dr Web didn't have much insight so I seached out a specialist. After extensive research I determined that what I have is peroneal tendonitis. As much as it kills me, I think I need to take at least a week off from running.
It's frustrating to think that as things started going really well, I was hit with this set-back. However, there is a lesson or two for me to learn here. First, I should have paid closer attention to the dull pain before it became a sharp pain. During my research I learned exactly why it went from a dull to sharp pain and I could have prevented that. Second, I have to learn to adapt and move on. Just because I can't run this week doesn't mean I still can't cross train and get in some good workouts. This set-back doesn't have to be a big deal. I am going out of town this week so it may be easier to cross train then find someplace to run 6 or 7 miles.
I have some stuff to put on it to help it heal (No, I didn't get it from Barry Bonds, it's legit) so hopefully I will be back to running soon. I love to run, so it will be a tough week but I will survive.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Finding Happiness
I have been thinking a lot about motivation and inspiration. It seems those two topics have showed themselves a lot to me the past week or so. I have been reading a book (yes I am still reading the same book) and it has gotten me thinking about a lot of things. I mentioned in my last blog about this book and the way the author explained why some people feel compelled to run marathons. It got me thinking about why people do other things, like climb mountains.
In my book the author explained that some people do these things because they want to prove to themselves that they can do them. It's not an ego thing, it's a self-confidence thing.
I have been thinking a lot about how over the past year and half or so, how I have really taken to running. It seems that running has been my outlet through everything that has happened. I think I am beginning to understand a little better why it makes me feel so good.
I think all of us experience what I have learned is called the "ego world". This is the world many of us live in, the world where we feel the expectations of others upon us. The world where we feel that we have to act the way others want us to act, or do the things others want us to do. They may not really want us to act this way or that way, or to do this or that, but in our ego minds we feel that they do. I have spent most of my life in this world and it's not an easy world to live in because I never felt that I was living the way others wanted me to, or doing what others wanted me to do. So I felt defeated most of my life. That's not to say anyone is to blame, it was just my perception of what was expected of me in this life.
I am learning to let go of this ego world, to live in another world, to live my "higher self". I know this may sound strange and maybe I am not explaining clearly but let me try. In living this higher self, I am learning to let go of the expectations of others. I am learning to live for myself, and not for others. I am learning to put my wants and needs ahead of the expecations of others. That's not to say that I am becoming selfish, but it is to say that I am learning that who I am is good enough for me and that is all that should matter.
So when I run there is no expectations of others. It is me, running free. I don't have to win a race, or beat a time. I decide for myself what is good and what isn't. I decide how far I want to go and if my pace was good or bad. I am not competing against anyone, not even myself. I am letting my higher self decide if my run was good or if I could improve. I am not running to impress anyone, I am running because it makes me feel good.
I want to be happy in life, that's all I ever wanted. The problem was that I always thought I had to fit a specific mold to "earn" that happiness. What I am finding out is, happiness isn't given to us from others, it is not earned, but it is found within ourselves. Sure, I am not always happy but I found that when I have had a rough day, there is something about running that makes me feel better. What I think is, that when I run, I run alone. I don't take ego with me, I run in another world so to speak.
I am not sure if this blog will make any sense to anyone else. I hope it does, I hope others can understand what I am beginning to understand. I am beginning to find happiness. I am not completely happy all the time but then if I was I suppose the "Jeff's self-development project" would be complete and I would have nothing else to blog about.
In my book the author explained that some people do these things because they want to prove to themselves that they can do them. It's not an ego thing, it's a self-confidence thing.
I have been thinking a lot about how over the past year and half or so, how I have really taken to running. It seems that running has been my outlet through everything that has happened. I think I am beginning to understand a little better why it makes me feel so good.
I think all of us experience what I have learned is called the "ego world". This is the world many of us live in, the world where we feel the expectations of others upon us. The world where we feel that we have to act the way others want us to act, or do the things others want us to do. They may not really want us to act this way or that way, or to do this or that, but in our ego minds we feel that they do. I have spent most of my life in this world and it's not an easy world to live in because I never felt that I was living the way others wanted me to, or doing what others wanted me to do. So I felt defeated most of my life. That's not to say anyone is to blame, it was just my perception of what was expected of me in this life.
I am learning to let go of this ego world, to live in another world, to live my "higher self". I know this may sound strange and maybe I am not explaining clearly but let me try. In living this higher self, I am learning to let go of the expectations of others. I am learning to live for myself, and not for others. I am learning to put my wants and needs ahead of the expecations of others. That's not to say that I am becoming selfish, but it is to say that I am learning that who I am is good enough for me and that is all that should matter.
So when I run there is no expectations of others. It is me, running free. I don't have to win a race, or beat a time. I decide for myself what is good and what isn't. I decide how far I want to go and if my pace was good or bad. I am not competing against anyone, not even myself. I am letting my higher self decide if my run was good or if I could improve. I am not running to impress anyone, I am running because it makes me feel good.
I want to be happy in life, that's all I ever wanted. The problem was that I always thought I had to fit a specific mold to "earn" that happiness. What I am finding out is, happiness isn't given to us from others, it is not earned, but it is found within ourselves. Sure, I am not always happy but I found that when I have had a rough day, there is something about running that makes me feel better. What I think is, that when I run, I run alone. I don't take ego with me, I run in another world so to speak.
I am not sure if this blog will make any sense to anyone else. I hope it does, I hope others can understand what I am beginning to understand. I am beginning to find happiness. I am not completely happy all the time but then if I was I suppose the "Jeff's self-development project" would be complete and I would have nothing else to blog about.
Monday, October 10, 2011
11 Miles of Thoughts
It's getting a little late and I should be thinking about going to bed, but I think I will blog instead. I am tired and a bit sore from yesterdays running. I woke up yesterday about 3:30am and went for my long run of 11 miles. I then came home, took a shower, grabbed some food and then went and ran a 5K Race for the Cure.
I didn't get a good nap in yesterday, though I did fall asleep for a bit watching a Sandra Bullock movie. You know I was tired if I feel asleep during Sandra.
All that running yesterday felt good. I was trying to figure out how I was going to manage my long run this weekend with a 5K charity event and having my boys stay over Friday night. I figured the only way was to do a "two-a-day". Yes, it was worth it.
I did a lot of thinking during my 11 mile run yesterday. I thought a lot about why it is that running a marathon is so important to me. For me it is not about telling the world "look what I can do" but it is about me telling myself "look what you can do".
A lot of times in my life I have gotten down on myself because I have felt that I wasn't what or who I was suppose to be. I had this preconceived notion of what my life was suppose to look like. What it was suppose to look like based on what I felt others wanted for me, or what I thought society told me I should be. During those times that I could not live up to that self-imposed expectations of perfection, I would come down on myself and feel that I wasn't what I should be.
I came to learn from my readings this past summer that this is what we call "ego", this belief that we are suppose to be what we, or others, believe we should be based on the world around us. I am working to learn to let go of ego, learning to not believe I should conform to some standard that others set for me.
I run because I can run. I run because it feels good to me and I now believe that it is OK for me to do the things that I want to do and not focus on the things that I believe I "need" to do. That's not to say that I can be irresponsible and just party all the time. It means that if I want to run a marathon, it doesn't matter what others say, I should do it. Others might think I am crazy, or that I am wasting my time and that I should focus on "more important" things. But the fact is that when I run, I feel good. I feel free and I feel relaxed.
I enjoy my time running, either with others or alone. I know running a marathon isn't for everyone, but it is for me. I don't know what will be next, if I will run more or move on to something else. But this is where I am at right now. I started running because I wanted to get into shape physically, but it has turned into something I do to help me mentally and emotionally. The physical benefits have become side-effects to why I continue to run, I run because mentally it feels good.
I didn't get a good nap in yesterday, though I did fall asleep for a bit watching a Sandra Bullock movie. You know I was tired if I feel asleep during Sandra.
All that running yesterday felt good. I was trying to figure out how I was going to manage my long run this weekend with a 5K charity event and having my boys stay over Friday night. I figured the only way was to do a "two-a-day". Yes, it was worth it.
I did a lot of thinking during my 11 mile run yesterday. I thought a lot about why it is that running a marathon is so important to me. For me it is not about telling the world "look what I can do" but it is about me telling myself "look what you can do".
A lot of times in my life I have gotten down on myself because I have felt that I wasn't what or who I was suppose to be. I had this preconceived notion of what my life was suppose to look like. What it was suppose to look like based on what I felt others wanted for me, or what I thought society told me I should be. During those times that I could not live up to that self-imposed expectations of perfection, I would come down on myself and feel that I wasn't what I should be.
I came to learn from my readings this past summer that this is what we call "ego", this belief that we are suppose to be what we, or others, believe we should be based on the world around us. I am working to learn to let go of ego, learning to not believe I should conform to some standard that others set for me.
I run because I can run. I run because it feels good to me and I now believe that it is OK for me to do the things that I want to do and not focus on the things that I believe I "need" to do. That's not to say that I can be irresponsible and just party all the time. It means that if I want to run a marathon, it doesn't matter what others say, I should do it. Others might think I am crazy, or that I am wasting my time and that I should focus on "more important" things. But the fact is that when I run, I feel good. I feel free and I feel relaxed.
I enjoy my time running, either with others or alone. I know running a marathon isn't for everyone, but it is for me. I don't know what will be next, if I will run more or move on to something else. But this is where I am at right now. I started running because I wanted to get into shape physically, but it has turned into something I do to help me mentally and emotionally. The physical benefits have become side-effects to why I continue to run, I run because mentally it feels good.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Feeling Good
So I felt like I should probably write tonight so here it goes.
It's been a long week already, mostly because I am working just north of Tucson this week and we have been commuting down each day. Yesterday there was a big accident on the I-10 due to one of our recurring dust storms and they closed the freeway between were I was and home. There aren't a lot of options to get from Tucson to Phoenix so it took my about an extra hour to get home last night.
I had spent the entire day working at the client by myself. I was looking forward to getting home and going for a run. I moved my workouts to the evening hours this week because I have to leave at about six in the morning to get to work by 8am. So I was so looking forward to my run but it seemed I would never get home. As I got closer so did the lightning and I was worried that I would have to cancel my run.
Being part ADHD (as diagnosed by my doctor...Doctor Web MD), part of me was worried that I would have to alter my schedule...heaven forbid I run my short run the next day instead of cross-training. But what really bothered me is that I wanted to run, I needed to run.
I started to read a book called "50/50" by Dean Karnazes who ran 50 marathons in 50 days in 50 states. It's an awesome book. But there is a chapter where he talks about running and how running isn't "fun". He says "Running isn't fun. It's too hard to be fun." And then he continues to explain: "I'm not saying that running doesn't feel good. It does feel good, in the way that any form of hard work feels good to those who have a taste for it. Running feels good to me the way writing feels good to a writer and operating feels good to a surgeon."
I loved that chapter, because some days I don't feel like getting started but I always feel better when I am done. Yesterday though, I couldn't wait to get started, I wanted to run.
So as soon as I got home, after 2.5 hours in the car, I changed, threw on my running shoes and headed out...storm approaching and all. I set out for a "short" 3 miler (I love how 3 miles has become a short and easy run for me) and about half way through the rain started and the lightning got closer. With about half a mile left the rain became more persistant and honestly...I loved it. If it wasn't for the lightning, I may have kept going. As soon as I reached the three mile mark just outside my apartment, the rain just let loose.
I then went and sat outside on my balcony and watched the light show and the rain. I felt good, in fact, I felt great. The weather is finally cooling down, and the wear and tear of the week was released from me. It felt good, I felt good.
When people ask what I did over the weekend and I tell them that I ran 11 miles or whatever, they ask me why. People think I am crazy and honestly before I read this book I probably didn't fully understand why I would get up at 3AM on a Sunday and go run so far. I enjoy it but it's true, it's not fun. For me it a time to "relax" and let go of my stress, and when I am done...no matter how much I may ache, I feel good.
It's been a long week already, mostly because I am working just north of Tucson this week and we have been commuting down each day. Yesterday there was a big accident on the I-10 due to one of our recurring dust storms and they closed the freeway between were I was and home. There aren't a lot of options to get from Tucson to Phoenix so it took my about an extra hour to get home last night.
I had spent the entire day working at the client by myself. I was looking forward to getting home and going for a run. I moved my workouts to the evening hours this week because I have to leave at about six in the morning to get to work by 8am. So I was so looking forward to my run but it seemed I would never get home. As I got closer so did the lightning and I was worried that I would have to cancel my run.
Being part ADHD (as diagnosed by my doctor...Doctor Web MD), part of me was worried that I would have to alter my schedule...heaven forbid I run my short run the next day instead of cross-training. But what really bothered me is that I wanted to run, I needed to run.
I started to read a book called "50/50" by Dean Karnazes who ran 50 marathons in 50 days in 50 states. It's an awesome book. But there is a chapter where he talks about running and how running isn't "fun". He says "Running isn't fun. It's too hard to be fun." And then he continues to explain: "I'm not saying that running doesn't feel good. It does feel good, in the way that any form of hard work feels good to those who have a taste for it. Running feels good to me the way writing feels good to a writer and operating feels good to a surgeon."
I loved that chapter, because some days I don't feel like getting started but I always feel better when I am done. Yesterday though, I couldn't wait to get started, I wanted to run.
So as soon as I got home, after 2.5 hours in the car, I changed, threw on my running shoes and headed out...storm approaching and all. I set out for a "short" 3 miler (I love how 3 miles has become a short and easy run for me) and about half way through the rain started and the lightning got closer. With about half a mile left the rain became more persistant and honestly...I loved it. If it wasn't for the lightning, I may have kept going. As soon as I reached the three mile mark just outside my apartment, the rain just let loose.
I then went and sat outside on my balcony and watched the light show and the rain. I felt good, in fact, I felt great. The weather is finally cooling down, and the wear and tear of the week was released from me. It felt good, I felt good.
When people ask what I did over the weekend and I tell them that I ran 11 miles or whatever, they ask me why. People think I am crazy and honestly before I read this book I probably didn't fully understand why I would get up at 3AM on a Sunday and go run so far. I enjoy it but it's true, it's not fun. For me it a time to "relax" and let go of my stress, and when I am done...no matter how much I may ache, I feel good.
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