In my last blog I mentioned that I was thinking of switching to the half marathon for this final race but my request to switch was denied. So I will be out running the full tomorrow. My achilles is feeling a bit better but I am still a little concerned about not getting in good long runs.
I took today off of work so I can relax and get stuff I need done before the race. I have a feeling that tomorrow afternoon I won't feel much like going grocery shopping and doing dishes and laundry and all the other normal weekend chores. As I was putting away my groceries this morning I couldn't help but notice my training calendar that has been hanging on the fridge door for about the past six months. There are only two things left tomorrow "Phoenix Marathon" and then Sunday "Rest".
That's it, that last week of a two page training schedule. Next to that is a sheet of my goal times for the three marathons as well as target paces for my training runs. I am left to reflect on the fact that my training has not gone according to my plan and my goal times have not been met. I've dealt with working long hours, injuries, weather, among other obstacles. For the past four months it seems at least one part of my body has been in some degree of pain. Yet for better or worse I have pressed on. I've pushed forward and I've learned that maybe I won't reach a PR this time around but I haven't given up. At times I have wanted to and at times I have become frustrated. I look back and wonder what I could have done differently, better nutrition, different shoes, different plan, every choice I made is questioned.
A year ago I lined up in downtown Phoenix to run my first marathon. I remember thinking that I was crazy, that I probably wouldn't make it. I remember how I felt when I got to mile 20 and both my mind and body wanted to quit all together. But I also remember how I felt as I was reduced to walking and then somewhere between mile 25 and 26 something deep inside me said that I could make it and I started running again. I remember running across the finish line and feeling like I had accomplished something great. Not running 26.2 miles but of overcoming the greatest obstacle of all...my own self doubt.
Tomorrow I will be lined up with about 2,000 other people on a road in east Mesa and and I imagine that I once again will feel unprepared and full of doubt. At 6:30am I will start my journey through the streets of Mesa. My goal is to finish, to enjoy it and to not worry about my time. Last summer I set a goal to run three marathons in 90 days. Tomorrow will be 89 days since I ran Tucson and as I cross the finish line I will have accomplished what I set out to do. Sure the other goals I set for my times aren't going to happen but I've learned that plans change.
Oprah once said that running is the perfect metaphor for life. It truly is, many times I have looked back at my life and become frustrated that things haven't gone as well as I planned. I've looked back over every choice and decision and questioned what I could have done differently. Just like in running my plans were changed because one circumstance or another. I've felt pain, I've gotten distracted and at times I've wanted to give up. So tomorrow I will put on my running shoes and push forward, running, walking, crawling if I must. And everyday in life I will do the same thing, just keep pushing forward, looking forward to the finish line but enjoying the race.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Bad run...good lesson
By normal standards today's run was a bad run, but a bad run was probably the one thing I needed after a bad couple of weeks. I know that probably sounds backwards but let me explain.
Last year I accomplished something that at one time I never even thought of doing and had I thought about it I would have dismissed as impossible. But for those who have followed my blogs in the past know, I am trying to change my life. Running isn't just about being physically healthy for me but it's also about gaining a piece of mind. Almost three years ago I set a goal to run a half marathon in San Francisco and then following that I set a goal to run a full marathon last January. Then over the summer a new goal emerged from my mind, the goal was to run three marathons in 90 days. Doing so would qualify me for the "Marathon Maniacs" group but more importantly it would force me to train for half the year.
For me these goals are more than just a physical challenge. They are a motivation to push forward, to stop living in a coma and to embrace the world. What I have learned is that I am happier when I am running for something instead of running from something. It's hard to explain but these running goals help me to write my story.
My quest for three as I will call it began in September with training for a marathon in early December in Tucson. I ran into some problems in early November when I began having pain in my shins as I increased both the intensity and distance of my weekly miles. With this pain I was force into a dilema, trying to balance healing with training. With just a few days until the Tucson marathon I debated switching to the half as a result of my lack of quality long runs in preparation. I decided it was too early to scratch the quest for three goal and so I ran the full and it was a struggle.
My shins had healed but running further than I was prepared for started other problems. Following Tucson I could feel the strain of my IT band and so I once again scaled back my runs but included some cross training. In January I lined up for the PF Chang marathon in Phoenix and felt pretty healthy although my preparation again suffered in the six weeks since the Tucson marathon.
So a couple of weeks ago, just a month before my final marathon of the set, my body once again protested my long run. I felt a pain in my achilles heel on my left foot. Once again I was forced to reduce my running and try to heal my heel. Then just a week ago I caught a bug and fell sick. For the last week I have come home from work, drank some Nyquil and laid on the couch, resting my body and heel. Finally after a week I thought I was feeling better and with the stress of another ill prepared marathon just two weeks away, I woke up this morning with the plan to run between 13-16 miles.
As a started my run I could feel that whatever has causing me to cough for the last week hasn't fully gone away. With a stuffy nose and pressure on my chest I tried to breathe as best as I could during my run. I struggled this morning for the first ten miles or so. Then about ten miles into my run the dull pain in my heel that I had felt the entire run became more severe. My long run had gone from bad to worse and I realized I needed to debate the prospect of switching to a half in two weeks or pushing for my quest for three.
As I thought about it I realized an important lesson. My first inclination was to run the full regardless, and if I suffered through it I would suffer but I would accomplish my goal. The downside of that would be what if I couldn't physically finish it or if I injured myself so much that I ruined my future running goals? I thought about if I didn't run the full, who would I disappoint? Quickly I realized that if I didn't reach my goal of three in 90 days the only person who would be disappointed would be me. I wouldn't be letting down my family, or my friends, I felt it was me that would be let down. That was the thought that began to really bother me, not that fact that I wouldn't reach my goal, the fact that I would be upset with myself about it.
That's when I realized that maybe not reaching my goal could actually be the best thing for me. Last summer when the goal was set a picture entered my mind. A picture of me crossing the finish line after the third marathon and reaching my goal. Now I worry that if the dream doesn't become a reality then I have failed in some way. Could I learn to accept my limitations, to embrace the struggle, to postpone the dream for another time, or even change the dream all together? Would I not be happy with the fact that during this winter I will have completed two marathons and a half? That I accomplished the true goal of getting off the couch and feeling numb to the world and getting out running? Maybe that it why I struggle to find happiness in my daily life anyway, because when I was young I dreamed of what my future would hold and my life doesn't look like that dream. Maybe if I could accept that my goals and dreams have changed I would be happier in life.
Maybe today's run sucked because the universe is trying to teach me to find happiness in what I have accomplished not in what I haven't accomplished. Maybe switching to a half and resting some more will bring me more happiness than struggling through a painful full marathon to accomplish a goal that I set on myself.
Today's run was a bad run, and it made me happy.
Last year I accomplished something that at one time I never even thought of doing and had I thought about it I would have dismissed as impossible. But for those who have followed my blogs in the past know, I am trying to change my life. Running isn't just about being physically healthy for me but it's also about gaining a piece of mind. Almost three years ago I set a goal to run a half marathon in San Francisco and then following that I set a goal to run a full marathon last January. Then over the summer a new goal emerged from my mind, the goal was to run three marathons in 90 days. Doing so would qualify me for the "Marathon Maniacs" group but more importantly it would force me to train for half the year.
For me these goals are more than just a physical challenge. They are a motivation to push forward, to stop living in a coma and to embrace the world. What I have learned is that I am happier when I am running for something instead of running from something. It's hard to explain but these running goals help me to write my story.
My quest for three as I will call it began in September with training for a marathon in early December in Tucson. I ran into some problems in early November when I began having pain in my shins as I increased both the intensity and distance of my weekly miles. With this pain I was force into a dilema, trying to balance healing with training. With just a few days until the Tucson marathon I debated switching to the half as a result of my lack of quality long runs in preparation. I decided it was too early to scratch the quest for three goal and so I ran the full and it was a struggle.
My shins had healed but running further than I was prepared for started other problems. Following Tucson I could feel the strain of my IT band and so I once again scaled back my runs but included some cross training. In January I lined up for the PF Chang marathon in Phoenix and felt pretty healthy although my preparation again suffered in the six weeks since the Tucson marathon.
So a couple of weeks ago, just a month before my final marathon of the set, my body once again protested my long run. I felt a pain in my achilles heel on my left foot. Once again I was forced to reduce my running and try to heal my heel. Then just a week ago I caught a bug and fell sick. For the last week I have come home from work, drank some Nyquil and laid on the couch, resting my body and heel. Finally after a week I thought I was feeling better and with the stress of another ill prepared marathon just two weeks away, I woke up this morning with the plan to run between 13-16 miles.
As a started my run I could feel that whatever has causing me to cough for the last week hasn't fully gone away. With a stuffy nose and pressure on my chest I tried to breathe as best as I could during my run. I struggled this morning for the first ten miles or so. Then about ten miles into my run the dull pain in my heel that I had felt the entire run became more severe. My long run had gone from bad to worse and I realized I needed to debate the prospect of switching to a half in two weeks or pushing for my quest for three.
As I thought about it I realized an important lesson. My first inclination was to run the full regardless, and if I suffered through it I would suffer but I would accomplish my goal. The downside of that would be what if I couldn't physically finish it or if I injured myself so much that I ruined my future running goals? I thought about if I didn't run the full, who would I disappoint? Quickly I realized that if I didn't reach my goal of three in 90 days the only person who would be disappointed would be me. I wouldn't be letting down my family, or my friends, I felt it was me that would be let down. That was the thought that began to really bother me, not that fact that I wouldn't reach my goal, the fact that I would be upset with myself about it.
That's when I realized that maybe not reaching my goal could actually be the best thing for me. Last summer when the goal was set a picture entered my mind. A picture of me crossing the finish line after the third marathon and reaching my goal. Now I worry that if the dream doesn't become a reality then I have failed in some way. Could I learn to accept my limitations, to embrace the struggle, to postpone the dream for another time, or even change the dream all together? Would I not be happy with the fact that during this winter I will have completed two marathons and a half? That I accomplished the true goal of getting off the couch and feeling numb to the world and getting out running? Maybe that it why I struggle to find happiness in my daily life anyway, because when I was young I dreamed of what my future would hold and my life doesn't look like that dream. Maybe if I could accept that my goals and dreams have changed I would be happier in life.
Maybe today's run sucked because the universe is trying to teach me to find happiness in what I have accomplished not in what I haven't accomplished. Maybe switching to a half and resting some more will bring me more happiness than struggling through a painful full marathon to accomplish a goal that I set on myself.
Today's run was a bad run, and it made me happy.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
I run for me.
Once again it's been a long time. I could make excuses and say it's because I have been too busy or that not much has been going on. The reality is that I really didn't want people to hear what I wanted to say. Life continues its ups and downs and seems to be more down lately. I don't know why, maybe just the cycle of life. I think that is why I need this run on Sunday.This weekend I will be traveling down to Tucson and on Sunday I will run the Tucson Marathon. This will be my second ever marathon and the first in a series of three over the next twelve weeks.
A couple of weeks ago I was watching a documentary on the Kailua-Kona Ironman and was moved by the ability of the elites but more so by the stories of the non-elites. The stories of those who were overcoming great obstacles and physical limitations. Stories of those who have overcome cancer or lost a limb in combat only to continue on in life to become an Ironman. There were those who were racing to honor someone or to raise awareness for a cause dear to there heart.
I thought about my run this weekend and why I am running. On Sunday morning as I line up over 26 miles away from the finish line my goal is not to win the race. I am not running in despite of any physical limitations or to honor any person or to fight any cause or to inspire any group. It may sound selfish but as I line up, I will be running for me.
Almost a year ago I lined up to run a marathon to prove to myself that I could finish. I spent months training and preparing for it. I overcame my self doubt and allowed myself to believe in what I could accompish. So why run another, what do I have to prove again? Months ago I decided that I wanted to run not one more but three more marathons and during the past several months there have been a number of times when I wanted to give up. I wanted to trade in my shoes for a bathrobe and sit on my couch and waste away. I thought to myself that I already proved I could do it and that there was nothing left to prove.
I have to push myself forward and not let myself become satisfied with what is or with what was. I've already wasted too much time and lost too much with that mentality. I can't allow myself to sit and grow old on a couch in front of a TV. I run because it gives me purpose, it gives me hope. It silences that little voice in my head that says that I can't, or that I shouldn't or that I won't. A couple of years ago I couldn't imagine running even a half marathon. Now I am about to run my second full marathon and yet I still hear a voice telling me I can't. Not just in running but in life the little voice is there filling me with doubt. I know when I cross the finish line on Sunday I will be one step closer to quieting that voice for good and then maybe I can run for a cause.
I am running for me because I have my own demons to battle, my own limitations to overcome. I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes me happy and what I really want to do with my life. That in itself has caused a lot of issues for me but I know what I don't want to do with my life, at least not anymore. I don't want to sit on the couch and watch others live. I want to live, I want to do what I am passionate about, I want to know what I am passionate about. I want to make a difference but I know I can't help others until I get right.
I run not away from anything but towards something, towards enlightment, towards happiness, towards peace. For now at least, I run for me.
A couple of weeks ago I was watching a documentary on the Kailua-Kona Ironman and was moved by the ability of the elites but more so by the stories of the non-elites. The stories of those who were overcoming great obstacles and physical limitations. Stories of those who have overcome cancer or lost a limb in combat only to continue on in life to become an Ironman. There were those who were racing to honor someone or to raise awareness for a cause dear to there heart.
I thought about my run this weekend and why I am running. On Sunday morning as I line up over 26 miles away from the finish line my goal is not to win the race. I am not running in despite of any physical limitations or to honor any person or to fight any cause or to inspire any group. It may sound selfish but as I line up, I will be running for me.
Almost a year ago I lined up to run a marathon to prove to myself that I could finish. I spent months training and preparing for it. I overcame my self doubt and allowed myself to believe in what I could accompish. So why run another, what do I have to prove again? Months ago I decided that I wanted to run not one more but three more marathons and during the past several months there have been a number of times when I wanted to give up. I wanted to trade in my shoes for a bathrobe and sit on my couch and waste away. I thought to myself that I already proved I could do it and that there was nothing left to prove.
I have to push myself forward and not let myself become satisfied with what is or with what was. I've already wasted too much time and lost too much with that mentality. I can't allow myself to sit and grow old on a couch in front of a TV. I run because it gives me purpose, it gives me hope. It silences that little voice in my head that says that I can't, or that I shouldn't or that I won't. A couple of years ago I couldn't imagine running even a half marathon. Now I am about to run my second full marathon and yet I still hear a voice telling me I can't. Not just in running but in life the little voice is there filling me with doubt. I know when I cross the finish line on Sunday I will be one step closer to quieting that voice for good and then maybe I can run for a cause.
I am running for me because I have my own demons to battle, my own limitations to overcome. I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes me happy and what I really want to do with my life. That in itself has caused a lot of issues for me but I know what I don't want to do with my life, at least not anymore. I don't want to sit on the couch and watch others live. I want to live, I want to do what I am passionate about, I want to know what I am passionate about. I want to make a difference but I know I can't help others until I get right.
I run not away from anything but towards something, towards enlightment, towards happiness, towards peace. For now at least, I run for me.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Running the numbers
Man, it's been a long time since I last blogged.
I am an accountant, I like numbers, I like charts, trends, graphs. I like to analyze and crunch numbers, it is a sickness, I know. I am also a runner, another sickness some people may say.
But what happens when you put the two together? Well a year ago I began logging my runs on a website called dailymile.com where I can track stats, look at charts and analyze trends. It’s a great combination of two of my favorite things.
So now that it has been a full year, here is what I accomplished since last October 1. I have logged 187 workouts that took me 169.62 hours for a distance of 1,140.42 miles. That equates to approximately .05 times around the world. According to my data I have also burned 37lbs. which is the equivalent of burning 708 donuts. Although I have not actually lost that many pounds or eaten that many donuts, I have made up for it in many ways.
My lowest running month was March when I logged just 54 miles, while the highest monthly total was September in which I logged 135 miles. I averaged running just over 95 miles per month. My longest single run was in January when I ran my first ever marathon of 26.2 miles.
This winter I am planning to run three marathons within a twelve week span so I should be logging plenty more miles. I guess we will see next year when the nerdy side of me runs the numbers again.
I am an accountant, I like numbers, I like charts, trends, graphs. I like to analyze and crunch numbers, it is a sickness, I know. I am also a runner, another sickness some people may say.
But what happens when you put the two together? Well a year ago I began logging my runs on a website called dailymile.com where I can track stats, look at charts and analyze trends. It’s a great combination of two of my favorite things.
So now that it has been a full year, here is what I accomplished since last October 1. I have logged 187 workouts that took me 169.62 hours for a distance of 1,140.42 miles. That equates to approximately .05 times around the world. According to my data I have also burned 37lbs. which is the equivalent of burning 708 donuts. Although I have not actually lost that many pounds or eaten that many donuts, I have made up for it in many ways.
My lowest running month was March when I logged just 54 miles, while the highest monthly total was September in which I logged 135 miles. I averaged running just over 95 miles per month. My longest single run was in January when I ran my first ever marathon of 26.2 miles.
This winter I am planning to run three marathons within a twelve week span so I should be logging plenty more miles. I guess we will see next year when the nerdy side of me runs the numbers again.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Scars of the past.
It's late, at least by my standards, but it's another one of those nights that I can't sleep. My alarm is set to go off at 4am again so I can get up and go run. I've got a friendly 4 mile race in the morning clear across the valley that starts at 6:30am. I am wondering why it is that I signed up to run it, and for that matter why is it that every morning that I don't work I seem to wake up at 4am to run. I guess I am questioning why it is that I am so determined to run. Why don't I stop and just sleep in? Why don't I give up on this obsession to run around, what has got a hold of me? Why don't I just sit on my couch and watch the world pass me by?
I can't answer those questions, at least not tonight. Too many other things are running through my mind, too many thoughts haunt me.
Just the other day after a run I took my shoes and socks off and was briefly rubbing my feet when I once again felt a scar that I have had on the bottom of my foot since I was a child. When I was young I was jumping on the outside garbage can to smash the garbage down and fit one more bag of trash in. Of course as a kid I was doing this with no shoes on and I cut the bottom of my foot on some glass. The pain didn't last long but the scar is still there.
It's not the only scar that I have, as a baby I once got severely burnt on my lower back and leg. I don't remember the incident at all or the pain that came with it. But the scar has been there for as long as I can remember.
They say that time heals all wounds and maybe it does but I suppose those scars will always be there. As I was laying in the dark of my room, with the thoughts and memories of the past, I realized that time hasn't yet healed all my wounds. I also realized that no matter how long that process takes, I will carry those scars with me forever. So just as this isn't my first sleepless night, it sure won't be my last. And just as I wonder why the heck it is that I feel this need or desire to run, there is something inside of me pushing me to keep moving forward even when I don't see the point. Sometimes I feel like I would be better off sitting down and watching life pass me by, I don't know what it is I hope to accomplish by pushing myself forward.
A couple weeks ago I went to the doctor for a physical. In the past I have had high cholesterol and I was hoping that by running 20+ miles a week that I would now be fine. What I found out is that I am closer but I am not fine. A part of me thought that I might as well give up trying to be healthy, that maybe I wasn't meant to live a long and healthy life. Another part of me wanted to push past that, to change what I eat in order to bring my numbers down the rest of the way. I am frustrated, I wanted things to come easier for me.
Life has never been easy and a part of me appreciates that fact. As sat there and felt the scar on my foot I was taken back to when I was a child growing up on Holanda Lane. I could see clearly my house and jumping on that garbage can and cutting my foot. I look back at those memories and feel mixed emotions, for they were times I remember with both happiness and sadness. Growing up was filled with good times and with bad and I can remember both as I look back. But I know those times are in the past and I am a different person now.
I wonder how long in the future it will be before the wounds I received as an adult heal and all I am left with are the scars. And when I feel those scars and think back on the memories how I will feel about them. Maybe that is why I get up so darn early and run. Maybe a part of me is trying to run away from the pain I feel. Or maybe part of me is trying to run towards something better. I really don't know but I know that for now I will just keep moving forward, I will keep running. Either way, the scars will always be there but hopefully the pain is temporary.
I can't answer those questions, at least not tonight. Too many other things are running through my mind, too many thoughts haunt me.
Just the other day after a run I took my shoes and socks off and was briefly rubbing my feet when I once again felt a scar that I have had on the bottom of my foot since I was a child. When I was young I was jumping on the outside garbage can to smash the garbage down and fit one more bag of trash in. Of course as a kid I was doing this with no shoes on and I cut the bottom of my foot on some glass. The pain didn't last long but the scar is still there.
It's not the only scar that I have, as a baby I once got severely burnt on my lower back and leg. I don't remember the incident at all or the pain that came with it. But the scar has been there for as long as I can remember.
They say that time heals all wounds and maybe it does but I suppose those scars will always be there. As I was laying in the dark of my room, with the thoughts and memories of the past, I realized that time hasn't yet healed all my wounds. I also realized that no matter how long that process takes, I will carry those scars with me forever. So just as this isn't my first sleepless night, it sure won't be my last. And just as I wonder why the heck it is that I feel this need or desire to run, there is something inside of me pushing me to keep moving forward even when I don't see the point. Sometimes I feel like I would be better off sitting down and watching life pass me by, I don't know what it is I hope to accomplish by pushing myself forward.
A couple weeks ago I went to the doctor for a physical. In the past I have had high cholesterol and I was hoping that by running 20+ miles a week that I would now be fine. What I found out is that I am closer but I am not fine. A part of me thought that I might as well give up trying to be healthy, that maybe I wasn't meant to live a long and healthy life. Another part of me wanted to push past that, to change what I eat in order to bring my numbers down the rest of the way. I am frustrated, I wanted things to come easier for me.
Life has never been easy and a part of me appreciates that fact. As sat there and felt the scar on my foot I was taken back to when I was a child growing up on Holanda Lane. I could see clearly my house and jumping on that garbage can and cutting my foot. I look back at those memories and feel mixed emotions, for they were times I remember with both happiness and sadness. Growing up was filled with good times and with bad and I can remember both as I look back. But I know those times are in the past and I am a different person now.
I wonder how long in the future it will be before the wounds I received as an adult heal and all I am left with are the scars. And when I feel those scars and think back on the memories how I will feel about them. Maybe that is why I get up so darn early and run. Maybe a part of me is trying to run away from the pain I feel. Or maybe part of me is trying to run towards something better. I really don't know but I know that for now I will just keep moving forward, I will keep running. Either way, the scars will always be there but hopefully the pain is temporary.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Running Hills
So it has been so long since my last post. I can't really say why I have slacked off but I have. So I figured I better start back up again.
So a couple of months ago I joined a running club. Mostly I go to the Wednesday night track workouts as a way to get in some good speed work sessions and also to associate with other runners. Yes it can get rather running nerdy as we discuss things like shoes, toenails, training and other running related matters. For the past few weeks we have not been able to use the high school track we normally use so we meet at our secondary location, a local park with some hills.
So last night, it was over 100 degrees and we had a workout that consisted of sprinting up a hill and down hill. I wasn't excited to do it, but I went.
I believe it was Oprah who said that running is a perfect metaphor for life, you get out of it what you put into it. I couldn't agree more. As I awoke this morning feeling a little stiff and a lot tired, I thought about what metaphor I could gain from these hill sprints.
Our assignment was to run three sets of ten with a short break in between each set. The first few I ran up the hill ready to take on the challenge. Then I slowed. After the first set I stopped, grabbed a drink and started again. I went much slower, walking at the top in the shade. It got harder and harder with each climb and my "sprints" became a jog at best. By the end of it all, I was exhausted and thirsty. My throat hurt and my lungs burned, and forget about how my legs were feeling. It was tough but what I knew is that I needed to run those hills, I needed them to make me stronger, to make me a faster runner. As much as I hated it, I wanted those hills.
This morning as I lay in bed I thought about life. About how sometimes we are given challenges, or hills, that we have to go up. Life has not been easy for me, just as it hasn't been easy for most everybody I know. There are always challenges and obstacles for us to overcome. Sometimes we can sprint over them, sometimes we jog, and sometimes we crawl. Sometimes we wish someone could carry us up the hill, just as I wished someone would have carried me, but in the end the best we can hope for is that we can lean on someone when we need to. The fact is that we must use our own legs if we want to get stronger.
Yesterday I became a stronger runner because I ran hills, in the heat. Just like everyday that I choose to overcome my challenges I become stronger as a person. A year or two ago there were challenges in my life that I thought were too great to overcome. I thought I was too weak to make it through them and I wanted to give up. I kept going, sometimes barely, and today I am stronger because of it.
I have learned in running that to become faster and stronger it is not easy. It requires hard work and sacrifice. It has literally taken blood, sweat and a lot of pain for me to run like I do. I don't run faster than most, or further than most. To most others I am just an average runner. The last 5K I ran, I finished 196 out of nearly 1,000 runners. Nothing too special but to me it was my fastest 5K time.
Others may look at me like an average guy, but I know that I am more than average. I know that I have overcome a lot, that I am stronger mentally and emotionally than I have ever been. I know that although I am not perfect or complete, I am closer than I was.
I don't always go out of my way looking for a hill to climb but when I see one, I see an opportunity to get stronger. I don't go looking for challenges and trials in my life, but when they come along I try to remember that they will make me stronger.
So a couple of months ago I joined a running club. Mostly I go to the Wednesday night track workouts as a way to get in some good speed work sessions and also to associate with other runners. Yes it can get rather running nerdy as we discuss things like shoes, toenails, training and other running related matters. For the past few weeks we have not been able to use the high school track we normally use so we meet at our secondary location, a local park with some hills.
So last night, it was over 100 degrees and we had a workout that consisted of sprinting up a hill and down hill. I wasn't excited to do it, but I went.
I believe it was Oprah who said that running is a perfect metaphor for life, you get out of it what you put into it. I couldn't agree more. As I awoke this morning feeling a little stiff and a lot tired, I thought about what metaphor I could gain from these hill sprints.
Our assignment was to run three sets of ten with a short break in between each set. The first few I ran up the hill ready to take on the challenge. Then I slowed. After the first set I stopped, grabbed a drink and started again. I went much slower, walking at the top in the shade. It got harder and harder with each climb and my "sprints" became a jog at best. By the end of it all, I was exhausted and thirsty. My throat hurt and my lungs burned, and forget about how my legs were feeling. It was tough but what I knew is that I needed to run those hills, I needed them to make me stronger, to make me a faster runner. As much as I hated it, I wanted those hills.
This morning as I lay in bed I thought about life. About how sometimes we are given challenges, or hills, that we have to go up. Life has not been easy for me, just as it hasn't been easy for most everybody I know. There are always challenges and obstacles for us to overcome. Sometimes we can sprint over them, sometimes we jog, and sometimes we crawl. Sometimes we wish someone could carry us up the hill, just as I wished someone would have carried me, but in the end the best we can hope for is that we can lean on someone when we need to. The fact is that we must use our own legs if we want to get stronger.
Yesterday I became a stronger runner because I ran hills, in the heat. Just like everyday that I choose to overcome my challenges I become stronger as a person. A year or two ago there were challenges in my life that I thought were too great to overcome. I thought I was too weak to make it through them and I wanted to give up. I kept going, sometimes barely, and today I am stronger because of it.
I have learned in running that to become faster and stronger it is not easy. It requires hard work and sacrifice. It has literally taken blood, sweat and a lot of pain for me to run like I do. I don't run faster than most, or further than most. To most others I am just an average runner. The last 5K I ran, I finished 196 out of nearly 1,000 runners. Nothing too special but to me it was my fastest 5K time.
Others may look at me like an average guy, but I know that I am more than average. I know that I have overcome a lot, that I am stronger mentally and emotionally than I have ever been. I know that although I am not perfect or complete, I am closer than I was.
I don't always go out of my way looking for a hill to climb but when I see one, I see an opportunity to get stronger. I don't go looking for challenges and trials in my life, but when they come along I try to remember that they will make me stronger.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Walk if I have to
So I realized it has been quite a long time since my last blog. I suppose I can blame it on being busy and being sick and maybe, just maybe being a little bit lazy. I haven't blogged since my marathon.
I've run a couple of races since then. I ran a 5K and a 10K and broke my personal best in both distances with those runs. My goal for the year was to break my personal best in the 5K, 10K, 1/2 marathon and full marathon. The only one I have left is a half marathon. I am not sure when that will happen but I hope to run one before the end of the year. There are a few in December I have my eye on.
Enough of all that.
I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting, especially the past few weeks. I’ve gone through a lot of emotions and feelings as I sometimes feel on top of the world and other times struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I’ve had of lot of people offer me words of wisdom and advice. The echo of familiar sayings: “You are not alone. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Bad things happen for a reason.”
At times I appreciate the words but other times, to be honest, I feel a little put off from hearing the same old sayings. As often as I hear them, it doesn’t take away the pain, it doesn’t make life easier. Sure God might not give me more than I can handle but it doesn’t make handling it any easier. Just because I know I will survive doesn’t mean I want to.
So I thought of the alternative, I thought about what if no one offered words of encouragement and support. How would I feel? Does it really help? I think at times that there is no one who understands what I might be going through, but knowing that there are people who care that I am struggling is enough to make me push through.
I figured that running a marathon would help me learn, well here is an example.
I remembered a quote that I heard from Dean Karnazes, he said "Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up". Just after mile 20, that quote came to my mind when I felt that I could no longer run and decided I had to walk for a bit. In brief periods I found the ability to run as I struggled during those last six miles, at other times it was all I could do to not give up and I walked.
The last mile of the marathon I was determined to run without walking. The last mile started just before crossing the Mill Avenue Bridge and as I crossed, there were no spectators on the bridge. But on the other side of the bridge, maybe a half mile from the finish, the streets were lined with spectators cheering all the runners, me included as we approached the end of our journey. Their cheers were encouraging and motivating. The pain didn't leave, the run didn't become easier but it seemed like I was going to make it. I didn't even know these people but it helped to hear them. It helped to hear a voice beyond my own telling me I could make it. The cheers were the same things you would expect to hear: “Keep going, you’re almost there. Good job, you can do it.” The pain was still very real but the ability to move forward became stronger knowing that others were there encouraging me.
So when I am walking, or crawling through life, when the thought of giving up is in my head, I want to know, I need to know that there are people cheering for me. And even though their bits of wisdom won't take away the pain, I will remember the last leg of that run. I will keep running when I can, walking if I have to, crawl if I must; but I will not give up. I will let the cheers of my friends and family push me on.
To all of you who offer me words of encouragement and support, I thank you. I sincerely appreciate it. I am thankful to know that I have others cheering me on as I make my way through this life and to that finish line, which at times seems so far away.
I've run a couple of races since then. I ran a 5K and a 10K and broke my personal best in both distances with those runs. My goal for the year was to break my personal best in the 5K, 10K, 1/2 marathon and full marathon. The only one I have left is a half marathon. I am not sure when that will happen but I hope to run one before the end of the year. There are a few in December I have my eye on.
Enough of all that.
I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting, especially the past few weeks. I’ve gone through a lot of emotions and feelings as I sometimes feel on top of the world and other times struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I’ve had of lot of people offer me words of wisdom and advice. The echo of familiar sayings: “You are not alone. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Bad things happen for a reason.”
At times I appreciate the words but other times, to be honest, I feel a little put off from hearing the same old sayings. As often as I hear them, it doesn’t take away the pain, it doesn’t make life easier. Sure God might not give me more than I can handle but it doesn’t make handling it any easier. Just because I know I will survive doesn’t mean I want to.
So I thought of the alternative, I thought about what if no one offered words of encouragement and support. How would I feel? Does it really help? I think at times that there is no one who understands what I might be going through, but knowing that there are people who care that I am struggling is enough to make me push through.
I figured that running a marathon would help me learn, well here is an example.
I remembered a quote that I heard from Dean Karnazes, he said "Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up". Just after mile 20, that quote came to my mind when I felt that I could no longer run and decided I had to walk for a bit. In brief periods I found the ability to run as I struggled during those last six miles, at other times it was all I could do to not give up and I walked.
The last mile of the marathon I was determined to run without walking. The last mile started just before crossing the Mill Avenue Bridge and as I crossed, there were no spectators on the bridge. But on the other side of the bridge, maybe a half mile from the finish, the streets were lined with spectators cheering all the runners, me included as we approached the end of our journey. Their cheers were encouraging and motivating. The pain didn't leave, the run didn't become easier but it seemed like I was going to make it. I didn't even know these people but it helped to hear them. It helped to hear a voice beyond my own telling me I could make it. The cheers were the same things you would expect to hear: “Keep going, you’re almost there. Good job, you can do it.” The pain was still very real but the ability to move forward became stronger knowing that others were there encouraging me.
So when I am walking, or crawling through life, when the thought of giving up is in my head, I want to know, I need to know that there are people cheering for me. And even though their bits of wisdom won't take away the pain, I will remember the last leg of that run. I will keep running when I can, walking if I have to, crawl if I must; but I will not give up. I will let the cheers of my friends and family push me on.
To all of you who offer me words of encouragement and support, I thank you. I sincerely appreciate it. I am thankful to know that I have others cheering me on as I make my way through this life and to that finish line, which at times seems so far away.
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