Walk if I have to

So I realized it has been quite a long time since my last blog. I suppose I can blame it on being busy and being sick and maybe, just maybe being a little bit lazy. I haven't blogged since my marathon.

I've run a couple of races since then. I ran a 5K and a 10K and broke my personal best in both distances with those runs. My goal for the year was to break my personal best in the 5K, 10K, 1/2 marathon and full marathon. The only one I have left is a half marathon. I am not sure when that will happen but I hope to run one before the end of the year. There are a few in December I have my eye on.

Enough of all that.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting, especially the past few weeks. I’ve gone through a lot of emotions and feelings as I sometimes feel on top of the world and other times struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I’ve had of lot of people offer me words of wisdom and advice. The echo of familiar sayings: “You are not alone. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Bad things happen for a reason.”

At times I appreciate the words but other times, to be honest, I feel a little put off from hearing the same old sayings. As often as I hear them, it doesn’t take away the pain, it doesn’t make life easier. Sure God might not give me more than I can handle but it doesn’t make handling it any easier. Just because I know I will survive doesn’t mean I want to.

So I thought of the alternative, I thought about what if no one offered words of encouragement and support. How would I feel? Does it really help? I think at times that there is no one who understands what I might be going through, but knowing that there are people who care that I am struggling is enough to make me push through.

I figured that running a marathon would help me learn, well here is an example.

I remembered a quote that I heard from Dean Karnazes, he said "Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up". Just after mile 20, that quote came to my mind when I felt that I could no longer run and decided I had to walk for a bit. In brief periods I found the ability to run as I struggled during those last six miles, at other times it was all I could do to not give up and I walked.

The last mile of the marathon I was determined to run without walking. The last mile started just before crossing the Mill Avenue Bridge and as I crossed, there were no spectators on the bridge. But on the other side of the bridge, maybe a half mile from the finish, the streets were lined with spectators cheering all the runners, me included as we approached the end of our journey. Their cheers were encouraging and motivating. The pain didn't leave, the run didn't become easier but it seemed like I was going to make it. I didn't even know these people but it helped to hear them. It helped to hear a voice beyond my own telling me I could make it. The cheers were the same things you would expect to hear: “Keep going, you’re almost there. Good job, you can do it.” The pain was still very real but the ability to move forward became stronger knowing that others were there encouraging me.

So when I am walking, or crawling through life, when the thought of giving up is in my head, I want to know, I need to know that there are people cheering for me. And even though their bits of wisdom won't take away the pain, I will remember the last leg of that run. I will keep running when I can, walking if I have to, crawl if I must; but I will not give up. I will let the cheers of my friends and family push me on.

To all of you who offer me words of encouragement and support, I thank you. I sincerely appreciate it. I am thankful to know that I have others cheering me on as I make my way through this life and to that finish line, which at times seems so far away.