Cleaning up my audit.

There have been a lot of news stories lately blaming accountants and auditors for the downfall of the economic system of the world. As flattering as it is that accountants have such power and influence in the lives of the citizens of planet Earth, I don't feel it fair to blame all accountants for the mistakes of the few (or several). I think accountants are getting a bad rap.

Speaking of bad raps, I altered the lyrics to Eminems popular song "Cleaning out my closet". If you know the song and the life of an auditor, the following might be moving and powerful. If not, then whatever, I'll post something else later. Perhaps someday, I will record this with a video and everything.

Cleaning Up My Audit

Intro
Where's my lead?
I have no lead in my pencil
There you go
Yeah
point 5-0, point 5-0

Verse 1
Have you ever been hated, or discriminated against?
I have, I've been legislated and regulated against
Picket signs for the wicked crimes, look at the times
Sick is the mind, of the accounting' guy that's behind
All this commotion, emotions run deep as oceans explodin'
Tempers flarin' from haters just blow 'em off and keep goin'
Not takin' bribes from no one, give em an opinion long as I'm breathin'
Keep tickin' papers in the mornin', and clearin’ points in the evenin'
Leave them with an audit opinion is what it’s about
See they can hire me, but they can never ever buy me out
Look at me now, I bet ya probably sick of me now
Ain't you con man, I'ma make you look so ridiculous now

Chorus (2x)
I'm sorry con man
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
But tonight, I'm cleaning up my audit

No more crime

I said,I'm sorry con man
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
But tonight, I'm cleaning up my audit Ha!

Verse 2
I got some pencils in my pocket
And I don't really know if you know it
But before I opine on the financials and close it
I’ll expose it, so give all your records to me
So I can test the statements below materiality
It will take a while maybe just a couple of months
If it’s busy season I won’t even stop and eat lunch
I don’t stop, but I won’t help you to lie
No I won’t, con man so I don’t think you even should try
I look at Bernie, and I couldn't picture auditing such a crime
Even if I liked him, I'd grit my teeth and I withdraw from the work
Or opine adverse at least for the user's sake I maybe make some mistakes
But I'm assessing the risk of misstatement so investors don’t pay
No I am not stupid, I can audit and chew gum
But the smartest thing I did was study audit for fun
and then took the MBA and CPA, it was rough but I passed ‘em both
It's my life, I'd like to welcome ya'll to The Auditors show

Chorus (2x)

Verse 3

Now I would never dis an accountant just to get recognition
Take a second to listen for you think this record is dissin'
But put yourself in my position, just try to envision
Witnessin' a con man cookin' up revenues in the kitchen
Thinkin' that someone's gonna know you got liabilities and expenses missin'
Goin’ though client accounting systems, using professional skepticism
My whole life I was made to believe the world was honest but it wasn't
People screw up, and it blew up when they trick the public, doesn’t it?
Wasn't it the reason you made the S.E.C. for me, huh?
So you could try to rectify the way cons treated me, huh?
But guess what, cons are gettin' bolder now and it's cold when they’re phoney
And regulation's growin' up so much and the public is tired of all the bologna
And Bernie’s gettin' over a century now, you should see his cell mate, he's beautiful
But public trust is dying, and we can’t pay for the funeral
See what hurts me the most, is you won´t admit you was wrong
Richie Rich, do ya song, keep tellin' yourself that you’re not a con
But how dare you try to take what you didn't help others to get
You're filthy rich, I hope you’re audited in hell for this wrong!
Remember when the economy died and you said it was because me?
Well guess what, it's not all accountants, and it sure wasn't me!!