When I started this blog I thought it would be fun, I thought I would write satire and keep it light. It didn't seem like it took long before the tone began to change. It has been a place for me to write my true thoughts and feelings. It has become my journal.
I have written about my struggles and my joys. Sometimes I am amazed when I look at the stats and see the number of views this blog gets. I don't write for the stats, quite honestly I am not sure why I write other than to tell my story. That is where I derived my silly title..."The story of a boy, his pencil and his dreams".
I am not sure why so many of you keep reading this, but I want to give my blog a more defined purpose and a new title.
It has been a year since Theresa and I separated. It has been a difficult year, but it seems like there have been many years of my life that were difficult. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I have spent countless nights, nights like this, where I couldn't sleep because my mind was too busy thinking. Those nights have been filled with me thinking of the ways I have failed, the moments I wish I could have back, and the things I knew then that I know now.
I can't change the past...I can't. And it doesn't matter how much I wish I could, I just can't. I also know that I can't give up on life, despite my feeling that I have failed so many people, I know that so many people still love and care about me.
I have tried to do right in the past, but feel like I have failed. I have felt like I was never good enough. I have tried to be the person that everyone else wanted my to be, or at least what I thought they wanted me to be. I had never felt comfortable with myself.
Several months ago I got on a kick and I started to read a lot of books, mostly "self-help" books. What I have learned is that I have spent my life trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be, I never figured out what I wanted to be. I feel like I never developed me. I really don't know if any of that makes sense but let me put it like this...I don't know who I really am. You know how people take time and hike through Europe to "find" themselves, that is what I need to do, I need to discover who I am, I need to "re-build" myself.
I want this blog to take on a new purpose, I want to chronicle my journey. I want to share the things I have learned, I don't know if it will be of any use to anyone else, but I need to do it. I need to find the man that I was meant to be, that I want to be. I have a hope that someday I will find true peace and inner happiness. I have a hope that I will someday be the person I want to be.
I have written about my struggles and my joys. Sometimes I am amazed when I look at the stats and see the number of views this blog gets. I don't write for the stats, quite honestly I am not sure why I write other than to tell my story. That is where I derived my silly title..."The story of a boy, his pencil and his dreams".
I am not sure why so many of you keep reading this, but I want to give my blog a more defined purpose and a new title.
It has been a year since Theresa and I separated. It has been a difficult year, but it seems like there have been many years of my life that were difficult. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I have spent countless nights, nights like this, where I couldn't sleep because my mind was too busy thinking. Those nights have been filled with me thinking of the ways I have failed, the moments I wish I could have back, and the things I knew then that I know now.
I can't change the past...I can't. And it doesn't matter how much I wish I could, I just can't. I also know that I can't give up on life, despite my feeling that I have failed so many people, I know that so many people still love and care about me.
I have tried to do right in the past, but feel like I have failed. I have felt like I was never good enough. I have tried to be the person that everyone else wanted my to be, or at least what I thought they wanted me to be. I had never felt comfortable with myself.
Several months ago I got on a kick and I started to read a lot of books, mostly "self-help" books. What I have learned is that I have spent my life trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be, I never figured out what I wanted to be. I feel like I never developed me. I really don't know if any of that makes sense but let me put it like this...I don't know who I really am. You know how people take time and hike through Europe to "find" themselves, that is what I need to do, I need to discover who I am, I need to "re-build" myself.
I want this blog to take on a new purpose, I want to chronicle my journey. I want to share the things I have learned, I don't know if it will be of any use to anyone else, but I need to do it. I need to find the man that I was meant to be, that I want to be. I have a hope that someday I will find true peace and inner happiness. I have a hope that I will someday be the person I want to be.
I have changed the title of this blog to "Jeff's Self-Development Project". I thought of other titles but they were too long. I think this title sums up where the blog is going. It is time for me to re-build. It's time for me to stop living the life I have lived for so long and find true peace and happiness. I invite you, my faithful blog followers, on this journey with me.
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