Moving...

I know it has been some time since my last blog. There is much to tell, maybe too much to tell. I am going to try to keep this one fairly short and fairly simple. There is a lot going through my mind right now and it would be far too much to put into one blog. I do want to go over just some of the key points.

The biggest news is that this weekend I finally moved into my own apartment. I am pretty sure that this is the first time in my life that I have lived completely alone, no roommates...just Jeff. The kids spent the night last night so it was a lot of fun. We ate pizza and watchied movies. Then today we we swimming. Needless to say I am tired.

It was about time that I move. Move out, move in, move on...whatever you want to call it. I needed to move or get moving. I have spent the last year in some sort of state of suspension. I spent countless nights laying awake thinking about my past. Wishing for one chance to go back and change things. I have spent a lot of time thinking about what point in time I would go back to and what I would change and how that change would carry forward through my life. What I have realized is that I can't go back, I can't change anything. This is where I am, this is my reality.

I spent a lot of time thinking about that and thinking about how life hadn't turned out as I had hoped, or how I had dreamed. I spent time thinking about my future and if it was even worth it to dream or hope for the future. I thought about just making it through life in a numb state, with no hope.

I decided that is not how I want to live my life. I recall a quote from the movie Rudy "Dreams are what make life tolerable". Sure life didn't go exactly the way I have wanted it to go, but life has had some pretty good moments for me as well. Moments that came because I wanted something good out of life. Moments like seeing the birth of my children and watching them grow before me into the awesome kids they are today. Countless moments when life seemed too perfect.

If I were to give up hope I would give up those moments of joy that I find between the hard times. So this weekend I moved. Not only into my own place, but I moved forward in life. Move forward, that's the only thing I can do.

I also am thinking about changing the name of my blog. Perhaps more details on that in the blogs to come. I hope to be able to write more often.

I am grateful for the love and support of my family and friends.