Since last year

So it has been a while since my last post and even with that my posting rate has declined at a rapid pace. That is not to say that I have forgotten about all the readers of this fine blog, it's just I have been dealing with a lot lately.

The past two weekends I have been able to do my "long" runs with a friend of mine who is preparing to run the Detroit marathon in a few months. So last weekend we ran 11 miles together and yesterday we ran 9 miles. I couldn't help but think back to about a year and half ago when I could barely jog a quarter of mile. Now I am out running 11 miles for fun at 4:30am on a Saturday morning. Over the past few months my running has been irregular at best, but I am trying to be more consistent. I love to get out and run as it provides me with a sense of peace and relaxation.

Today in San Francisco they ran the 2011 marathon and half-marathon and I can't help but reflect on what high point it was in my life to have completed the half marathon there last year. In the past year, a lot has changed. I suppose I could look back at the year since that time and list of a number of things that have been "bad" since that time. I feel like my life has been a roller-coaster of highs and lows since then, and quite frankly more lows. Honestly though, I don't want to detail out my struggles and my pains of the past year.

What I will say is that I have learned a lot about myself in the past year. The challenges and struggles I have experienced have had their silver lining. They say that nothing worth having comes easy but I am left to wonder then what is the worth in the struggles. I think that is what I have been figuring out over the past several months in particular.

I think of it in terms of a forest fire. Sometimes the forest must go through a painful process of a fire in order to come back stronger and better then ever. Sure it may take years for the forest to fully recover, but it is better for it. I think my life has been like that, like a forest fire. I feel like I have lost everything over this past year. Now many people will look at a burnt forest and think what a shame but others will think of the beauty that will soon replace the charred scene. So it is with my life, I could sit here and feel pity and think of what was lost, or I can look forward to the future.

I will honestly tell you that it has been difficult for me to look forward with optimism at my future since the dreams I had earlier in life haven't quite played out. Over the past couple of months I have spent a lot of time reading and pondering and have learned a lot. Most of what I spent my time learning about wouldn't fit into a blog. It is one of the reasons that I haven't written as much on my blog lately, I have been writing on actual paper. I would like to share more with you and will when the time is right. What I have learned in very personal and I am still working through a lot of things.

Even though this past year has been a struggle for me, what I realized is how truly blessed I am. I am grateful for my friends and family. Sometimes I feel like I can't go anymore but because of those around me, I am motivated to continue on. I am determined to see this through.